Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Whatsapp (Life changing Quotes)

Some quotes those are Life changing.

1.At 20 years of age the will reigns, at 30 the wit, at 40 the judgement.

2.The higher we are placed, the more humbly should we walk.

3.Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.

4.Understanding is the shortest distance between two hearts.

5.From listening comes wisdom, and from speaking repentance.

6.Light tomorrow with today.

7.When an elephant is in trouble even a frog will kick him.

8.Love the sinner but hate the sin.

9.If you do not ask, you do not get.

10.Diligence is the mother of good luck.

11.By learning to obey, you will know how to command.

12.The man who lives only by hope will die with despair.

13.Learn as if you were to live forever. Live as if you were to die tomorrow.

14.One is never too old to learn.

15.Years and Sins are always more than owned.

Whatsapp (horror)

This happened in Khandala Ghat near Lonavala during the last
monsoon.
A guy was driving from Bombay to Pune and decided not to take
the new expressway as he wanted to see the scenery along the
old road.
when he reached the mountains his car broke down - he was
stranded miles from nowhere.
Having no choice he started walking on the side of the road,
hoping to get a lift to the nearest town. It was dark and rainy.
And pretty soon he got wet and Shivering. The night rolled on
and no car passed by.
Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him. It slowed and then
stopd next to him - without thinking the guy opened the door
and jumped in. Seated in the back, he leaned forward to thank
the person who had saved him.
He realized there was nobody behind the wheel !!!
Even though there was no one in the front seat and no sound of
any engine, the car startd moving slowly. The guy lookd at the
road ahead and saw a curve coming. Scared almost to death he
startd to pray, begging the Lord for his life.
He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve,
a hand appeard through the window and moves the wheel!
The car made the curve safely and continued on the road to the
next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watched how the
hand appeared every time before a curve and moved the
steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend.
Finally, the guy saw lights ahead. Gathering his courage he
wrenched open the door of the silent, slowly moving car,
scrambled out and ran as hard as he cud towards the lights.
It was a small town. He stumbled into a restuarant, and askd for
a drink, and broke down. Then he startd talking about the
horrible experience he'd just been through.
There was dead silence in the restaurant when he stopped
talking ..... . . . .
.
.
.
Know more
.
.
.
.
......and that's when Tinga and Dinga walked in. Tinga
pointed and said
'Look Dinga - that's the idiot who got into our car when we were
pushing it.'

Whatsapp (joke)

Height of zordar naseeb

My Neighbor's wife texted me, 'I am new on watsapp.. Any idea what does IDK, LY, TTYL mean...?'

I replied : 'I don't know, Love You, Talk To You Later !'

She replied : 'No problem. I'll ask you later... Love you too...'

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How to add extra fun in your WONDER LA Ride ?

Carry some extra nut bolts with you.

As soon as the ride begins, tap on the shoulders of guy in front of you and say....

"Buddy, Take this. This came out of your seat"

Whatsapp ( Father's Day Spl)

At your 1, he would have lost his sleep to take care of u.

At your 10, He would have lost his favourite perfume to pay your school fees.

At your 18, he would have lost his savings to give u graduation.

At your 22, he would have lost his respect to get u a good job.

To keep you rich, he would have not even purchased cloths for himself.

To make u lead a luxurious life, he would have not even taken care of his personal life.

He is the 1 who sheds his personal interests to your prosperous Life.

Happy Father's Day

Whatsapp (Short Horror stories)

horror stories wrapped up in two sentences or less 

Husband kills his wife while their 5 yr old son was still sleeping.The weird thing was that kid didn’t ask 4his mom even 3 days after she went missing.
Father:” Is there something that you want to ask me ? ”
Kid : ” I just wonder, why mom is always standing BEHIND YOU . .

1. I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I thought it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again.

2. The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams. I sat bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:06, I heard my closet door creak open.

3. In all of the time that I’ve lived alone in this house, I swear to God I’ve closed more doors than I’ve opened.

4. A girl heard her mom yell her name from downstairs, so she got up and started to head down. As she got to the stairs, her mom pulled her into her room and said “I heard that, too.”

5.My wife woke me up last night to tell me there was an intruder in our house. She was murdered by an intruder 2 years ago.

6.I  always thought my cat had a staring problem – she always seemed fixated on my face. Until one day, when I realized that she was always looking just behind me.

7. There’s nothing like the laughter of a baby. Unless it’s 1 a.m. and you’re home alone.

8. I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, “Daddy, check for monsters under my bed.” I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, “Daddy, there’s somebody on my bed.”

9. You get home, tired after a long day’s work and ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach for the light switch, but another hand is already there.

10. There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone.

Whatsapp (Unemployed Engineer)

An unemployed engineer graduate was looking out
for a
suitable job in his stream.
He attended several
exams and many personal interviews, only to
be
rejected.
.
.
.
.
Being fed up after so many months of his
job hunt, he decided to get into any job that
can
satisfy his food and daily needs.
.
.
.
.
.
He visited a
circus group and asked for a job.
But the owner
said that there wasn't any job for his education
level. Also he said that there is a vacancy to
act
as a monkey and perform funny actions. The
unemployed youth accepted the offer since he
can
at least afford his daily food.
.
.
.
.
.
So he dressed up as a monkey and entertained
the
audience. One day while he was performing the
monkey skills, he accidentally fell into the
lion's
ring.
.
.
.
.
Everyone was shocked as the monkey fell into
lion's ring. No one knew that he was a man
dressed up as a monkey.
The man himself was
dreadful and feared for his life.
He felt pity for
himself as he going to be a victim of
unemployment.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The lion came closer to him but didn't attack.
He
was surprised. The lion whispered,
"Abe
Gupta.....ghabra mat...!! Main hun tera senior, Vinod
Sharma.... 1999 batch... Civil .."

Whatsapp (Salary credited)

Salary day special !!!

9.00 : *beep beep*.. Msg received...
Salary credited to ur a/c

Me : Yipeeee..

9.01 : *beep beep*
Home EMI auto debited..

9.02 : *beep beep*
Car loan EMI auto debited..

9.03 : *beep beep*
Credit card bill auto debited..

9.04 : *beep beep*
Phone bill auto debited..

9.05 : *beep beep*
Electricity bill auto debited..

9.06 : *beep beep*
LIC EMI auto debited..

9.07 : *beep beep*
Medical insurance EMI debited..

9.08 : *beep beep*
Pls maintain minimum balance...!!!

Whatsapp English Shayari

For the very first time . . English Shaayari
Purely Scientific......

When U Breathe, U Respire.
Wah wah
When U Breathe, U Respire !
Wah wah kya baat hai
When u Don't Breathe,
U Expire.

Whatsapp (New HR policy!!!)

New HR policy for 2016

Couldn't resist sharing

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Leave:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Casual leave:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
 
The HR

Mind game & quiz time

Mind Game:

Every question has 10 marks,
Pass marks 60.

CORRECT THE SPELLING

Q.1.yeonkwr (a city)
Q.2. sirasu (a country)
Q.3. uelrbpm (profession)
Q.4. utegno (body part)
Q.5. egnlarefridsi (vegetable)
Q.6. aechhet (animal)
Q.7. epialnpep (fruit)
Q.8. Letbkslaba (sports)
Q.9. Coremusit (celebrity)
Q.10. Rtephoilce (vehicle)

U have only 1 hour and ur time starts Now. One who answer

7-good,
8- very good,
9 excellent,
10 genius

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"QUIZ TIME"

Give ONE WORD which has BOTH MEANING:

1. Pencil Brand &
Lord of Dance =

2. Birth Sign in English &
Type of Disease =

3. Name of Soap &
A Musical Instrument =

4. A Car Brand &
Lord Ramas Devotee =

5. Name of Fruit &
Name of Shoe Polish =

6. Mobile Brand &
Fruit Name =

7. Name of Bulb Co. &
Source of Energy =

8. A Shoe Co. &
Underground Train =

9. Watch Brand &
Resident of Country =

10. Mineral Water Co. &
Mountain Range =

11. Name of Bird &
Beer Brand =

12. Name of Fuel /
Clothing Company =

13. Tree /
Toothpaste =

14.Famous Monument /
Tea brand =____________

Whatsapp (enggr joke)

One married Engineer was having affair with a lady
.
.
Öne day they both went for date they spent lot of time together
.
.
Then he dropped the girl to her home and applied mud to his pants & shoes ......
.
.
Then he went home
.
.
Wife : its too late were was u upto diz time ??
.
.
Husband : i want to confess that iam having an affair with other girl and today i went on a date wid her
.
.
Wife ( sees the Shoes and pant ): u lier , u went to play football again han ?
.
.
Engineer : You got me again.. darling y u
r so intelligent

Whatsapp Manners

Some whatsapp manners..also called Whanners
.
1. Check the messages before posting. Do not use your phone as copy machine.

2. Pls. add a caption about video. Not everyone is interested in cockroaches in China or how to peel garlic.

3. Pls. do not personalize reply. These are forwarded messages not sender's life story.

4. Pls. do not bombard the group with your messages.

5. Pls. do not expect reply to each of your posts. People have other jobs too.

6. Pls. post the jokes to the taste of the group.

7. Pls. avoid communal / hatred posts. Your admin also has a family to take care.

8. Pls. do not post IAS / IIT level puzzles. Most of us are poor back benchers trying to use technology.

9. It's okay to put only couple of smiley to show that you can laugh.

10. If you are a member of a group, at least post one message per month . We will know that you are alive

Monday, June 29, 2015

Whatsapp!!!

She-mere mobile screen pe crack aa gya..
He-ohh shit..jyada toh nai..?
She-wait im sending screenshot..

Boy is still in coma..

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Very touching story ..

A man purchased an Enfield Bullet 350cc .. so that he could take his girlfriend for long drives. But unfortunately, he was not able to talk to his girlfriend while riding on it because of the loud Bullet sound. He got fed up and sold his Bullet n bought Honda Activa.
He got married to his girlfriend and one year later ....

He bought an Enfield Bullet 500 cc.